Engagement chicken is a thing that exists, ladies and gentlemen, and it makes me sad for humankind [more so than usual]. Apparently, I’m late to the party because this has been a legitimate thing for more than 30 years.
This Glamour article tells the delightful story of the inception of engagement chicken and how to prepare it:
"Be skeptical if you must, but this recipe may be charmed. It all began 26 years ago, when then-Glamour fashion editor Kim Bonnell gave the recipe to her assistant, Kathy Suder, who made the chicken for her boyfriend, who, a month later, asked her to marry him."
At first glance, I thought this was a joke. No one actually believes the worthless relationship/sex advice in Glamour and Cosmo, right? I looked at the time stamp on this piece, and I figured this article was published satirically in 2006 … but then I scrolled down to the comments section. There are actually women on this earth, in 2013, who believe that cooking this dish and serving it to their significant others will score them a ring.
Dkglrgmommy commented on November 4, 2013:
"I just made the chicken he’s eating it tomorrow we have been together 4 years in January and we have 2 kids!!! I caught the bouquet in April from his lil brothers wedding so I hope that and this chicken helps speed it up!!!! Been patiently waiting for a long time now!!!!"
Bless you, Dkglrgmommy. If you’ve been in a relationship with a man for four years, have TWO children and you’re cooking a chicken to inspire him to marry you, my deepest sympathies to you, girlfriend. That is some bleak shit.
I keep hearing girls talk about how eager they are to be engaged or how depressed they are they have zero prospects for marriage. Look, I get it, it’s exciting; a big life milestone. I’d be excited or nervous for myself, too. But it’s just like that lady making 300 sandwiches to get a ring from her boo. WHY? I’m curious—When you’re in a serious, committed relationship, what changes when you get that ring on your left hand? Are guys nicer to women when they’ve invested in an expensive diamond? What is it, truly, about a proposal that makes girls so eager to receive one if a guy is already committed to her?
[I know we’re on a biological timeline, but this isn’t 1910. It’s possible and generally accepted for two educated, financially stable people to start a family and not be married. I don’t see this as a reason.] It just seems that a lot of women I speak to seem to be more excited about the ring [and sharing on social media, even if they don’t outright say this] than they are about the significance of actually getting married.
Look, I suppose an even better question is: Why is this something that we, as women, have to EARN or will to happen? Is being someone’s wife one of the biggest things we have to aspire to as women? This just goes back to one of my general points about today’s dating landscape: Men have all the power. They know it, and [many of them] bask in it. If he’s not proposing on his own and he knows it’s something you want, is he worth it?
Don’t get me wrong, I might want to get married someday, too. If I meet someone awesome that hates everything as much as I do, I’d totally be down, but sure as shit, you’ll never see me cooking magic chicken or “earning” my nuptials by making 300 sandwiches.
[P.S. To my future husband, I’m a fan of Jarlsberg on wheat. Thanks in advance.]